Restless

Lately I have been thinking about life and the value of it. We are all sitting in our own world fighting our own demons and weather we admit it or not we are usually thinking about ourselves. I know that some mornings my alarm buzzes (or if you prefer the term “beeps” my alarm beeps) and I stare at the neon green light silently screaming 5:45 am and I want to close my eyes and sleep away the day. Roll over on my side and take the day off to deal with all my crazy. But I just shut my eyes tight and say my prayer “Lord, help me make it through today.”

I make it sound as if my life is terrible when in fact my life is quite blessed. I intern at a church doing what I love, photography. And not only do I get the chance to photograph but I also get to explore graphics, web design, videography, and learning the life of ministry, everything I love wrapped up in one program. I have amazing parents, great friends, and food in my vegetarian stomach. But sometimes the past plays games with my head and I forget who I am now and how much I have overcome.

About a month ago I was driving to Safeway when a song came one the radio. It was the kind of song that makes you pause in your car on a busy day. The band Switchfoot calls the song Restless. So for a month I waited for the album to be released so I could analyze the song as well as the rest of the album (yes I am a music fanatic and have a vast collection on Itunes).

A few days ago the album was released and I have been listening to it repetitively.

I discovered that the album has powerful lyrics about life.

Pushing through the ceiling
Until the final healing
Looking for you

Until the sea of glass we meet
At last completed and complete
The tide of tear and pain subside
Laughter drinks them dry

I’ll be waiting
Anticipating
All that I aim for
What I was made for
With every heartbeat
All of my blood bleeds
Running inside me
Looking for you
Looking for you

I am restless, I am restless
I am restless, looking for you
I am restless, I run like the ocean to find your shore
I’m looking for you

I realized that I felt restless looking for something beyond myself and I couldn’t help but feel like we, as a population are restless as well. We are unsatisfied and searching for something real.

The lyrics from the song Thrive stuck to me as well….

I know that I'm not right
A steering wheel doesn't mean you can drive
A warm body doesn't mean I'm alive

No, I'm not alright
I know that I'm not right
Feel like I travel but I never arrive
I wanna thrive not just survive

Wonderment came over me and I kept wondering if I was thriving in my life or was just settling for the mundane? Am I restless and searching or am I thriving in my life?

I was still pondering this when I received an email from a young girl I mentor who has been dealing with cancer not once but twice in her intermediate family. I realized that we are stuck here on earth weather we like it or not and there will be things that knock us down, cause us to stumble, and there will also be joyous circumstances that happen.

I suppose I have felt the call to thrive in a life I feel restless in and when my alarm buzzes (beeps) tomorrow morning I will open my blue eyes and pray  “Lord, may you help me thrive today. I want to be all that I can be.”

I guess the question I am posing to you is: Are you surviving or thriving?